Empress Kat

The first paragraph floats in and out of Aria's mind. half of it she's thinking and the other half is third person. It'd be more grabbing to just hear her ...

In an analysis, you shouldn't use the lingo from the book : "get enough jack together" unless you want to put quotations around jack. also, you must put quotations around ...

He was a brother...and a father. This is weird, a friend and father? ...very weird. Despite his words, I know he grieved more than any would have thought possible, just ...

intent on massaging the sleep from his bulging muscles. this sounds weird. a stiff neck makes more sense... ya know? hair looked like it had been licked by a camel ...

Ballads can never be too long. and I don't know the difference between a balad and a story in poetry form. if it was longer it'd would be a balad. ...

Love the intro. Especially that first sentence... the people of earth were idiots Naturally then--yet despite the warning signs--people were still surprised You don't need the "then" as it would ...

She had her graceful hands folded neatly in her lap like a proper lady, but she was swinging her feet back and forth, scuffling them on the carpet, and looking ...

I'm not a fan of the flow of it all... but I think that's more of a personal thing than any sort of criticism... But I love lines alone. Especially ...

awww, so cute... and I thought only me and dono were that adroeable :P Is this going anywhere? or just playing around with cutsie conversations? I especially liked the clever ...

MySpace is a waste of time. But as a recent HS graduate, it's a freekin great way to keep in touch. I would have never talked to many of my ...

Wonderfully written. A few bits here and there... but it reminds me so much of when I lost my cat... it was slow like that. I just don't feel up ...

This is just turning into some sort of epic! Awesome! I haven't looked at the king max story in a long time... but it's a great one. I love these ...

This was way fun to read! Great short story. Sorry I'm not good at advice and what not. I loved the child's view of money The licking seemed to be ...

I too agree with randy about the structure/repetition. But I really like the message... I know the feeling all to well. It's a memory, but I still know it... and ...

Hmmm... I was moved by it... but it seems awkward as a fantasy-ish thing. Goblins never seem to have much emotion in my head. But if it was just another ...